Thursday, October 20, 2011

2 weeks

Itty Bitty is 2 weeks old today.  Already!


In two weeks...
  • I have fallen in love.  Not only with my new son, but I have also fallen in love with Nate and Oliver in new ways as I see them step into new roles.

  • I have cuddled like there's no tomorrow... because I know my todays are numbered.

  • I have melted.  Over and over again.  My home is full of love and I see it in every one of Oliver's discoveries and every one of Owen's gassy smiles.

  • I have been surprised.  By Oliver, by Owen, by Nate... by myself.  We are four amazing people making up one incredible little family.

  • I have appreciated the little things.  I have a wonderful life

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Oh Brother!

Oliver is the BEST big brother! Ever!

It was love at first sight for him meeting his baby.  He NEEDS to kiss the baby constantly.  He is concerned whenever he hears the baby make a noise and will lead me over to check on him.  When we change the baby's diaper, Oliver will bring us his size 6 ones...just in case we need extra coverage, I guess.  He tries to give Owen his pacifier.  He helps me burp him.  He has had no problems at all welcoming the baby home to join in our routines... in fact, he's been surprisingly flexible in adapting our routine for bedtime to include Owen.

He is the BEST helper and the BEST brother!  I am one lucky momma!









Sunday, October 16, 2011

To Owen...You are Loved

I wanted you more than you'll ever know.....                        
...so I sent love to follow wherever you go        



When I was pregnant with Oliver a friend gave us a copy of On the Night You Were Born, by Nancy Tillman.  Nate read it to Oliver when he was born and we had a beautiful experience sharing the beautiful words with our beautiful son. 

I knew we needed to have that moment with Owen, but I wasn't sure if we would do so with the same book, buying Owen his own copy or sharing the one we have... or try to find another book that captures our love for our child.  I couldn't find another book like it... one that Nate would read to the baby and we would both feel our hearts grow in our chests and spill out in happy tears.

The evening before Owen was born my mother and I went to Kohls (she needed clothes and I needed to walk out some contractions).  The first thing I noticed was that this month's Kohls Cares for Kids author was Nancy Tillman.  I was drawn to this book.


On the front leaf of the book jacket is a picture of a giraffe... the animal I was drawn to for Owen during my pregnancy (Oliver's animal is an elephant).  I just knew this book would be special.  I read it in the store and had to stop halfway through to collect myself, and I sent Nate the message that I found Owen's book.

It is beautiful.  Every parent can relate to these words.  I don't know how she does it, but Nancy Tillman can somehow take the emotions and meaning of parenthood right out of my heart and put it on paper... and the illustrations are magical, too.

I think we'll be buying another copy of this one for Oliver.


Saturday, October 15, 2011

Owen's Birth Story...Birth Novel...whatever.

Just over a week ago my Little Stinker was born.  He is perfect.  He is beautiful.  He is yummy.  Just scrumptious.  But man, oh man! He did not make things easy for me!
With Owen, my contractions started on a Saturday morning, and just like my experience with Oliver, they disappeared when I got out of bed.  HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT!  I was really thinking that wouldn't happen to me again.  And this time it went on even longer!  It wasn't until Thursday morning that we went to the hospital.  And I rolled out of bed and into some clothes, hair a mess, no makeup, no pictures... from the start Owen was getting different treatment than Oliver.  I was sent home, even though I was insisting that even the first time around my contractions got no closer, I had needed pitocin, and the contractions were extremely painful (gee...sorry I can handle them well I guess).

When we got home I figured I'd take a nap before breaking out the breast pump to get things moving.  As soon as I lay down I felt a contraction that made me cry out, bang on the headboard, then jump because I felt a strange pop...I had a feeling of what had happened, but when the contraction was over I dozed 10 minutes until the next extremely painful one.  By my third contraction I got up to use the bathroom and...SURPRISE my water was broken!  Back to the hospital we go, where they gave me a room right away.

I told them I had an epidural last time and would want one again (and I considered going natural this time...ha!).  The nurse told me to stand in the shower with Nate holding the water to my back to move the baby...for an hour! Then she'd come do my IV started so I could get one bag of fluid down and then I could get the epidural.  After 20 minutes I was about to send Nate to tell my mom to get that damn nurse in immediately with the IV...but my momma is on the ball and had done so on her own.

My contractions were getting closer and really intense.  I was so ashamed of myself for crying out during them.  I had been looking forward to my labor and delivery thinking everything would go as smoothly and wonderfully as Oliver's had.  I was so relaxed when I had Oliver, pushed only 25 minutes and my epidural had been absolutely magical.  Not the case this time! 

Since being admitted I had not been checked to see if there had been any change in my cervix.  The last time I had been checked was when they sent me home 3 hours earlier and I was about 3cm and almost fully effaced.  Well I was feeling pressure that had me thinking I was close to pushing so the nurse finally called in the midwife to check me.  I was at 7cm.  And then she asked where the water was...like I faked it breaking just to get the room.  "Oh there it is, must be a leak."  She seemed so disinterested.  And I had thought that I liked this midwife.  I saw her for the first prenatal appointments for each boy... after that I saw other doctors and midwives as the scheduling of my appointments happened to play out.  I had even seen an episode of a Baby Story where this midwife delivered and I was impressed by how things went.  I was so upset with her but too exhausted to let that register.  My mom, however, made it clear.

I delivered at Yale-New Haven Hospital.  I love that place... for the most part.  I know that if anything were to happen to my or the baby, we would be at the right hospital. It's a teaching hospital, and I have no problem with that, I will always allow for my care to be a teaching opportunity... but I expect that to be explained to me.  When the anesthesiologists finally came in, one took the lead and another seemed very quiet, so I figured that's what was going on.  Then another came in and spoke over the one that had initially seemed in charge.  Ok so she's learning too.  But nothing was said to me.  In the past there's always been an introduction and a question if it's ok.  Not this time.  Well they failed to help me out. 

I could see Nate getting more and more concerned and angry from the chair they stuck him in during this sterile procedure.  My mom had to leave the room and was panicking seeing more and more doctors enter.  Then Nate had told her to come back in when the epidural was in... but as soon as she was in the door he had to tell her to leave again because they had to re-do it. 

Someone else finally came in and announced it's very few people that don't feel any change, and I could tell he was proving his skill to the others who had failed.  So he re-did the epidural and doubled it up with a spinal block. 

All of a sudden I was having contractions that were pushing me up off the bed while I was sitting up to get the pain meds.  When I lied down I couldn't stop pushing and felt huge gushes of water coming out.  I was panicking "I'm pushing...I can't stop...I need him out now!" because I had been told not to and seriously had no control over it.  So the nurse calls the midwife back in, and from what Nate reports she rolled her eyes at me saying "She THINKS she has to push".  Bitch.  "I'd be surprised" says the midwife.  Well guess what... I KNOW that I AM pushing and that I can't stop no matter how I try to relax my now completely numb body.

I was at 9cm and was allowed to push.  "If she wants to push, I'll let her try".  Ugh, again...bitch!  And now thanks to that lovely spinal pushing was incredibly difficult.  I couldn't feel anything other than the pressure letting me know I was having a contraction.  I had the hardest time finding my muscles and using them to effectively push.  I had basically gone natural through the entire labor and finally got relief...but it made things harder.  Well at least it didn't hurt... I even dozed between pushes.  An hour later... Owen made his entrance.  Sunny side up.  Because that made things easier for me!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Happy Birthday to you Little Stinker

Just a quick birth announcement...

Owen Maxwell
October 6 2011 2:49PM
7lb14oz and 20 in

Definitely not the same experience as Oliver's birth. Will post the gory details later!

He's so Perfect!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Monday, October 3, 2011

Mother Duck said "quack quack quack"....

... But only one little duck came back.

Yeah, still just one baby duck here. The other one just doesn't want to hatch! This is me on our way out the door to do the labor waddle at the mall.

Don't I look oh so rested and happy? Because I'm exhausted! And upset at being wrong about my body! I really was not expecting the dissappearing contractions this time around. Well at least I was right about him being about a week ahead of his brother's schedule.

So this makes morning #3 of contractions. Hard, uncomfortable, zone-out and occasionally whimper contractions. As soon as I get up to pee or get myself more comfortable they dissappear. So upsetting! So I try to stay flat in bedw with a full bladder as long as possible, but really- that's not the right thing to do and the last thing I need is an even weaker bladder (Oliver did enough damage there)!

Nate stayed home to deal with Oliver this morning which is lovely. I got to stay in bed and rest a bit. My head hurts, my lips feel swollen, and my socks left a deep impression on my ankles yesterday so we'll see what happens today. 39 weeks tomorrow, I say by Wednesday he's out... But let's face it- I don't know jack!

Here's hoping a few laps around the mall get things moving again. Really, I don't get how my contractions go away when I get up and active. Anyone who's been there knows this defies everything you read about going for walks and moving around to get labor going.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Happy Birthday Nana

Yesterday was Nana's birthday.  It was not Owen's birthday.  Tricky kid. 

I didn't expect another 3 days of contractions like I had with Oliver... but it looks like that's the direction we are going in.  So far we are on two consecutive early, sleepless mornings of intense contractions lasting 1.5+min and getting as close as 8 min apart that dissappear the moment I get out of bed.  Isn't moving around supposed to HELP contractions?  Well if it's going to be like Oliver, Owen should be here by Wednesday.  I was really hoping to just go into labor and not have this on and off thing again.  Bummer.

It would have been so convenient to go into labor yesterday with my mom dad and sister visiting so we could spend mom's birthday together.  Kids can never be convenient can they?  I've been at this "mom" thing less than 2 years and I already know nothing is easy!



 


Cake was yummy. For realz.

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